I feel blessed – like I’m carrying around a gigantic sack of treasures. These treasures are contained mostly within the stories I hold.
As life keeps generating new experiences, the treasure accumulation never stops. But I’m maxed out. My capacity to hold more has reached its limit. Yes, my big bag of blessings has become a burden.
My stories are actually burdening me so much now that over the last many years I’ve closed a hundred doors and pushed away every opportunity that may generate more. As life keeps happening, I keep dodging it, with a steadfast focus on the thing I need to do most.
I need to let my stories go. Yet, I feel it tragic to simply “let go” in the Buddhist sense, without first attempting to transfer the value I’ve been holding. Are my stories all just baggage or have I been holding them so preciously for a reason? I feel an urgency to explore this.
And that’s what brings me here. I’ve begun a lengthy and subtle process that’s most likely heading toward a book.
My desire to write and share gems comes from a very genuine place. Yet I’m also highly aware of Sir Ego idling stage left, eager to lay claim.
In truth, ego is the primary reason I have to do this. I feel corrupted by ego and feel an existential need to shake it off and begin anew. My writing is a way of satisfying the ego while simultaneously releasing its grip. That’s the intention, anyway.
The writing isn’t the challenging part – it’s my complete metamorphosis, channeled through the writing, that makes it a challenge. Though I’m a very private person, this blog is intended to be the public face of this process, with the hope being that it might help make the process more sustainable. [ways to help]
We live in a beautiful world… that’s also more than a little crazy. I think the stories we all carry around have a lot to do with that. I know that my own stories keep me running around in circles. Is it possible to ever really let them go? And if we could, who would we be without them? Might our purpose here become a little clearer – maybe with less detours along the way?
That’s the little experiment I’m drawn here to explore. :)
No Comments